Running.

Running, past him, past her, past it, past the world, hard after Him. It is the only thing I can do right now, the only thing I want to do, the only thing I yearn to do. Spinning with my arms out, eyes to the heavens, smiling, laughing, enjoying His constant Presence. Taken to the back side of the mountain to be alone with Him, spend time with Him, get to know Him better, stumbling, falling, but clinging steadily, clutching, grabbing, reaching out, in earnest. Thought that I didn’t have much else to learn, thought I was arriving, seeing now that I am just beginning, just starting to see, long, long journey ahead of me. Getting glimpses of His beautiful glory, His Presence, His smell-one day. Falling every day more in love…with a man I have never seen, my Creator I have never met. Sweet comfort and peace amidst a storm, any storm. Have to give it time to heal, go through it, experience the raw emotions of it, let them come, don’t be afraid of them, embrace them, grab His hand and crawl through it. Reading Colossians 1 makes me tremble, long for Him. Being alone with Him, searching for His guidance, and in doing so, committing to it. Amazed everyday at His pursuit of me, so thankful for the insatiable hunger for Him that has never left me or been far from me. What is more important than Him? Can He ever be fully known? I hope not because I want to run after Him for the rest of my life on this earth.

The sweater I want for Christmas...

Love and Obedience

Not sure if anyone still reads my blog anymore...it's been awhile. Just wanted to say that so much has happened in my life this year, can't believe it's already December. I wanted to write about how much I love Jesus, yet again. I remember lying in my bed one night and praying (with fear and trembling) for God to sift me and refine me in any way He chooses in order for me to become more like His Son. This was a scary prayer to say the LEAST. Well, He has and He is. What I do know is that God allows things in our life to occur in order to let us be aware of our NEED for Him, our NEED to rely fully on Him for our needs to be met. He has been working this area out in my life through a blind faith and trust in Him-on a DAY to DAY basis, sometimes even an HOUR to HOUR basis. I would have it no other way as tough as it is at times. I know that God HAS to be of GREAT importance in our lives at all times, by this I mean thinking about Him, praying to Him, talking about Him, OBEYING Him-constantly. He is a jealous lover. He has helped me to realize that loving someone or something equals ACTION. Loving someone is not merely through words, I know someone loves me without them even having to say anything. Showing God love is through our ACTIVE obedience to Him, there is no other way. He says in His Word to love Him with ALL our heart, mind, and soul and THEN to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves (which for most of us is A LOT). It is the highest form of worship to Him, not just raising your hands, screaming and crying, and attending services (although all these things are good to do!), more so it is SHOWING our Creator that we comprehend what He has done for us through His death by obeying His commands and proving this with our lifestyles. Love truly equals action. I know and understand more and more each day how filthy and disgusting I am, I also know at the same time that I am forgiven and loved beyond my comprehension, I can't wait for the day that I get to see my beautiful Savior's Face and Eyes and Hands, there will be nothing better. Many days I see how fallen our world is and I simply do not want to be here, but I know that as long as the Lord has provided life to each individual on this earth, in this era, in the day in age, then we are ALL meant to be here for a specific purpose, and that is always to glorify His Son. I don't do everything right, I make mistakes each day, I hurt people, but I am trying to reach the goal my Savior has set before me, run this race the BEST way I can through His strength alone. I cannot tell you how PEACEFUL it is to OBEY Him even if you completely DON'T understand it, I have found that His peace that passes understanding is without a doubt the answer for TODAY-I aim to maintain it above all else, and know that when I don't have it, there is a reason. I am LOVING the adventure He has me on right now, I have never experienced so much peace and happiness amidst any storm I face than I have lately. I know that I am on the right path and I also know that if I start to go off (which I am guaranteed to do), I have a Daddy that will reach down and take me by the hand and lead me, what more could I ask for?

When You are not enough...

When You are not enough
I seek the pleasures of this world
When you are not enough
My hope is lost
When You are not enough
Joy cannot be found
When You are not enough
Please Lord, break my heart

When You are not enough
I carry all my guilt and shame
When You are not enough
I can not bear it
When You are not enough
I'd like to think I've learned by now
When You are not enough
Please Lord, Break my Heart
Please Lord, Change my heart

When You are not enough
We trade Your beauty for a lie
When You are not enough
Nothing satisfies
When You are not enough
Your joy is always out of reach
When You are not enough
Please Lord, Break My Heart
Please Lord, Change my heart

grant us mercy
grant us grace
grant wisdom
grant us faith

~Thad Cockrell, Matt Stevens
Vintage21 Church

At Your disposal...

So…let’s chat shall we (or more like I will “speak”), it’s been quite some time…Relentless, that’s what God is, I am so very thankful for that. I have learned over the past several months the magnitude to which He desires me and the way that He refuses to let me go. Hallelujah. Just when I need the reassurance that He is actually aware of my circumstances and the daily “happenings” in my life, He shows up and lets me know that Yes He IS here WITH me and Yes He does see every detail of my life and Yes He is CONCERNED to say the least. I remember praying awhile back and asking God to SIFT me, to weed out anything in my heart and in my life that didn’t bring Him glory, maybe I was just half serious, but I have now determined that He is FULLY serious about doing this. I heard in church this morning that as a Christian if your life is not encountering any opposition, then you should question if you are truly a follower of Jesus Christ, I really liked that bold statement b/c I believe we serve a very bold God. When Jesus walked the earth He encountered LOTS of opposition, so basically if you go through “hell” once in awhile or frequently, get on your knees and thank God that He is using you to glorify Himself and bring His kingdom to earth! I also went to church last night and my pastor said, “Your life is not about fulfilling your calling to glorify yourself, to make yourself known, to gain happiness, or to be successful according to the world, it is to bring the Lord Jesus Christ GLORY and Him ALONE”, loved church this weekend!!! I think one of the main things I have been learning lately is to seek God and His Face and to know Him truly and His character and who I am Him in Him :o)
http://encouragingbiblequotes.com/verses2a.html

Rasberry Morning.

I think the title is also the name of a cereal :o) So, sometimes I find it hard to actually STUDY my Bible and I find that writing blogs actually helps me to do this if they are a particular theme that I can relate to my Bible. I think it's sad that so many people miss the beautiful mornings God creates (the sky was raspberry colored at 5:45, the beautiful colors of the morning that you can take in (only) EARLY in the morning. I know it's hard to get up early, esp on days where you really have time to sleep in, or you went to bed at 3am, but God says throughout the Bible to not only seek Him w/your whole heart, but seek Him early. This morning I wanted to sleep real bad, but God wouldn't have it :o) This may sound bad, but I almost want to put God on a kind of "trial" run-He PROMISES in the Bible that if we seek Him, we WILL find Him. (Det 4:29, 1 Chron 15:2, Ps 9:10, Prov 3:6, Prov 8:17, Jer 29:13, Lam 3:25, Matt 7:7, Acts 17:27, Heb 11:6) I guess sometime I get scared that somehow I will lose my focus of Him, that I will be distracted by the things of this world and not fulfill what He has planned for me, I know He will never let me stray too far, but I don't want to spend 40 years on a mountain if I can just obey Him and trust Him and have faith. The trial run is to actually put forth serious time every single day, tyring my BEST to seek Him and find Him, giving up things that may be more appealing to my flesh-it is so hard in this world, but as much as I love God and as much as I have seen how faithful He has remained in my life, why then would I not believe in what He has promised about seeking Him, what could possibly be more imortant than Him?

http://www.learntopray.org/print_materials/messages/d2/d2-7.htm

That's my King!

Truth.

The truth is that Jesus Christ loves us more than we can EVER fathom. Beauty is God, God is beauty. There is no substitute for Jesus Christ, there never will be. We are all broken in some way-all of us, ALL of us. Jesus Christ is the ONLY One who can TRULY heal us, Jesus not only wants to us to receive His salvation, but He wants to restore us from the Destroyer of this earth-Lucifer-did you know his name means “Son of the morning”? Satan was breathtakingly beautiful, but his beauty consumed him to the point where he wanted ALL of the attention on himself, not God, and so he was cast down. Thus Satan has a special hatred for beauty, for all things beautiful. This has a special relation when it comes to girls, we who were made to be exceptionally beautiful (how many paintings do you see of naked men?), we who are able to give life-Satan has forever haunted us w/a continuous stream of lies consisting of things like-you aren’t good enough, you aren’t worthy of that, you will never be that beautiful, no one will love you for who you really are, you have no special purpose-lies. I have to tell you, I have a personal relationship w/Jesus Christ, that may sound crazy to some-“you have a PERSONAL relationship w/the God of the universe?” Yes I do, it is the most important thing in my life-it consumes me almost constantly and most of the time I have to control the fact that He makes me so incredibly happy I could scream :o) This relationship is open to ALL, all you have to do is TRUST Him, take the “risk”, accept His perfect Love, why wouldn’t you? I’m a topic jumper, so now I want to talk about how RICH God’s Word is-this is an awesome verse:

“For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”
~Hebrews 4:12-13

Wow, I don’t know about you but I know that I definitely need the thoughts and attitudes of my heart judged, sometimes I don’t even know the awful things I have hidden in there. And how DEEP His Word goes-to DIVIDE the soul and spirit (body is the first layer, soul is something that can feel emotion and change and be “moved”, but the Spirit of someone-God’s Spirit living inside someone-when you accept Him as your savior-that is the deepest part of man-of me), and to divide joint and marrow? well if you know your anatomy-that is deep and tough! Jesus is my creator, He gives me my next breath and allows my heart to beat, He is the only thing that truly makes me feel like I am living, how awesome that I get to talk to Him, that He teaches me through His Word, that I get to share Him w/others, that I get to worship Him, that I can see this world in an entirely different light thanks to Him. Last night I asked Him to help me to see myself as He sees me, help me to see the beauty He sees in me so that I don’t have the need to hear that I’m beautiful from anyone else, and let me tell you today…

Oh, Jesus how I Love YOU!

“Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the Vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.” ~John 15:4

Receive His salvation-take the “risk”, the BEST decision you will ever make:

Admit to God that you believe you are a sinner (we all are), tell Him that you believe Jesus died on the cross to drink all of these sins, that He came back to life (Happy Easter!) and that He is alive today (Hallelujah!), invite Him into your life to be your savior and friend, receive His precious Spirit inside yourself (how awesome!), pray something like this: “Dear Jesus thank You for making ME, there was no one on earth like me, so you created me because You love me-exactly for who I am, You accept me despite everything I have become-good and bad, I realize I have this deep NEED for You, I ask You to forgive me, thank You for dying for ME-for seeing ME personally as You did and taking my sins upon Yourself-I will never know how that felt-to take all of the worlds sins-past, present, and future on Yourself at one time, please help me to understand it more, as much as I know how, I want to follow You from now on, please come into my life and make me a new person, I accept Your gift of salvation, help me grow as a Christian, in Your name Jesus-AMEN!!!

I am not trying to sound like some CRAZED Christian, I just know that I am not the same as I used to be after getting serious about Jesus, to all my friends, I hope you know that I love you, and to me it would be a dishonor not to tell you about this insane Love I’ve accepted and live in (I hope most of you already know that I love Jesus), I am by NO means saying I am perfect and have it all together, but what I am saying is that I am going to heaven one day, I have this Man Jesus to fall back on every night when it seems all others have failed me, and want desperately for all of my friends to have this too! Wooooo, ok so here is my churches website if you ever want to visit www.gethope.net , and if you are just looking to explore what it means to be a Christian, there is an AMAZING class on the website called “Starting Point” (which I think starts next weekend) that you can go to-I went to it awhile back and LOVED it :o) Ok……I’m done, for now :o)

Watch this.

Two Wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied,

'The one you feed.'

Rejection/Protection.

My room-mate and I were recently discussing "rejection". According to my pastor (and I agree!!!), God has to "hurt us" deeply in order to use us greatly. I believe that if you want to be used “greatly” for God, then you are going to have to be put through some stuff-allow Him to test all your “anxious thoughts”. When I asked God to sift me and mold me into whatever He chooses, I didn’t know how bad it was going to hurt, or how long it was going to take, and I was certainly surprised (and horrified) at things that have happened and will continue to happen along the way-like the people He will place in your life ONLY to be used as lessons and then remove them (not fun). In my opinion a lot of it just doesn’t seem to be fair (or even right!), as my heart had and had become entangled in many of these lessons-but He didn't ask for my opinion. I guess at the end of each day I HAVE to GIVE Him everything, that’s all I can do.

Now to get back to the rejection thing, here is a DIRECT verbatim excerpt from my very private journal (don’t tell anyone!):

2/12/09
~Angela and I discussed “rejection” this evening. In my opinion God uses “rejection” as PROTECTION, as in a situation where a guy may “reject” you, a friend, a job, an audition, a loan-all these things are God’s protection-His way of saying, “I’ve got something better for you, hold tight!” I expect nothing less from Him, He has our BEST interests in mind at all times-although He will allow you to go your own way (and choose not to obey Him), and maybe that way will “work”, but it wasn’t His BEST. I want God’s BEST for me, no settling-best husband, best job, best friends, best dog :o). Best doesn’t always mean "amazing in the world’s eyes"-best to God may be no husband, a job in Africa w/few friends, and a goat for a pet :o). In any case-I choose God’s best for me, I will wait on Him to bring it about, I will stand firm and continue to grow in Him each day.

Remember: Rejection often times means protection-don’t get it twisted.

I like this song in reference to all this-read the lyrics(I took it upon myself to change a few):

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to You

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where You are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into Your loving arms

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to HIM

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to You
But You just smile and take my hand
You've been there You understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where You are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into Your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to HIM

Now I'm just rollin' home into my Lover's arms (HALLELUJAH!!!)
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to HIM
Amen!!!

(Credit to the Rascal Flatts-Bless the Broken Road :o))

Funny :o)

I watched Horton Hears a Who over Christmas break w/my little sis and I thought this character-Katie was funny, I thought you all could use a smile :o) (she actually reminds me of my other little sis-Sheela-ha ha!)

Scattered.

How can I lift this deep resurfacing "burden" in my soul? God has "scattered" (Ezekiel 11:16-17, 34:12-16) me, and I am now just waiting it seems, to be gathered. The only thing I can truly rely on is God-great is His faithfulness, His mercies are new each morning, His love is unfailing and in His eyes I am a treasure-of high value and price, right? My flesh and satan say otherwise, they say you are unworthy, you are ugly, you have nothing to offer, you will never make it. Why do I feel as if God is this ever present Spirit-that doesn't actually speak-just shifts-nudges and mostly withdrawing? Why don't I remember that God is not JUST Spirit, that He actually and audibly spoke to people in the Bible and that these people are not just some fantasy superheroes, but were ordinary human beings, just like us. It seems that the more I bare my heart to my Love, the more He is silent. The key is an infallible trust-nothing good will happen for the kingdom in your life until He is your first love-a jealous God we have. It is easy to place human love (bound to disappoint as it does) before His love because it is tangible. I'm being stripped and sifted of EVERYthing that can (and does) come before Him-my flesh cries out in a frustration that changes day to day. Yet as my Lord and Love never relent-neither will I, as Job lay in an ash heap on the ground, there will I lie too-for as long as this perfecting Love has His way in my inmost being-so that I can truly cry out with my life and my body and soul and spirit that I love my neighbor because I love myself as Jesus loves me!

"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen!" ~Revelation 2:2-5

I also love this verse in Ezekiel 34:26: God said,"I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing." We just need to get through these seasons :o) Amen.

On FIRE!!!

Here are some amazing ministries that are on FIRE for God, it is very encouraging to see how God is ALIVE and active in our culture, check out these sites!!!

http://www.thebasementonline.com/ This one started by a 23 year old man-Matt Pitt!

http://www.ihop.org/ This is one of my fav songs by Misty Edward at the latest One Thing conference (comes from Song of Songs 8:6-7), listen to the words!



http://www.twloha.com/ This one started by a young woman on Myspace! (See her video below)

Note(s) to self

~Remember how the air begins to thicken around you as His Presence fills the atmosphere, remember what it feels like to breathe Him in.
~Remember how CLOSE to Him you feel when you fast.
~When you are overcome w/lust or desire for any earthly thing say out loud to Satan, “I have a confession, that Jesus Christ is MY Lord!!!” Ha! (Romans 10:9)
~YOU didn’t choose God Rachel, He chose you FIRST! He loved you FIRST! (John 15:16 and Ephesians 1:4)
~When you are weak, He is strong! He has experienced ALL of the emotions and temptations and sufferings we have, He was fully man, yet fully God! (Hebrews 4:15)
~God hears your prayers, they may not be answered in your timing (or at all!), but He hears-there is reassurance in that fact, look how long Zechariah waited for a child! (Luke 1:13)
~This year I plan to truly seek God in new and different ways, to continue day by day to discover His will for my life, to never become “neutralized” by society, to never become complacent in my walk with Him. I want to be a Nazirite (Numbers 6:2, and Judges 13:5,7 and 16:17) for Jesus my Love, to always have on my lips and heart and mind:

Maranatha-Come, O Lord!