Catch Me if you can.

It's been really difficult being a Christian lately. Some days I just want to quit, go back to my old sinful life-truth be told :o). I feel like that a lot, but I know I never will. God wants me...bad. He wants MORE of me, MORE time, MORE thought, MORE study, MORE dialogue, and I'm scared to give it to Him. I'm scared of what WILL happen if I do, scared that my love for Him will grow SO much that I won't be able to handle it (but He never gives us more than we can handle right?). I personally know that when I take the TIME to pray a little longer, pick apart a chapter or verse in the Bible a little harder, He always gives me revelation, but w/more revelation comes more responsibility, and w/more responsibility-more is expected from you, you are expected to perform better, I think it's just that w/God-blowing my mind w/what He has in store for me and is preparing me for is expected, and I just don't know if I'm ready for that. God has me in a very particular position, a position that is in alot of ways-very isolating-socially at times, jobwise, schoolwise, and so on. There are things that I desire, things that I truly believe were spoken to me from God that aren't happening for whatever reason, so many questions, hundreds of questions that I have for Him right now! I remember that emotions and feelings are simply emotions and feelings that dip and surge like the waves in an ocean, but God is my Rock, my solid foundation, the pillar that IS me-inside me like a white heat, He never fails, never once STOPS reassuring me-faint as it may be at times. He is my Love-always will be, and I know that if I never hear His Voice again, if He never shows me His Face again, if I never again feel His cleansing Love pour over me like a drenching rain-my Love for Him will never change, my pursuit of Him will never change, b/c what He has done for me and to me up to this point in my life, this age, is forever worth the rest of my life's service to and for Him. God DOES hide-for whatever reason, it IS our job to search Him out, and no I don't believe He will ever be "caught" (or placed in a box for that matter!), but if I can, if I allow Him TIME enough in my everyday life for this pursuit, I know in my heart I may reach out many days while running full speed toward Him and maybe touch Him (and He will certainly touch me and us), and that's all I need to know.