Scattered.

How can I lift this deep resurfacing "burden" in my soul? God has "scattered" (Ezekiel 11:16-17, 34:12-16) me, and I am now just waiting it seems, to be gathered. The only thing I can truly rely on is God-great is His faithfulness, His mercies are new each morning, His love is unfailing and in His eyes I am a treasure-of high value and price, right? My flesh and satan say otherwise, they say you are unworthy, you are ugly, you have nothing to offer, you will never make it. Why do I feel as if God is this ever present Spirit-that doesn't actually speak-just shifts-nudges and mostly withdrawing? Why don't I remember that God is not JUST Spirit, that He actually and audibly spoke to people in the Bible and that these people are not just some fantasy superheroes, but were ordinary human beings, just like us. It seems that the more I bare my heart to my Love, the more He is silent. The key is an infallible trust-nothing good will happen for the kingdom in your life until He is your first love-a jealous God we have. It is easy to place human love (bound to disappoint as it does) before His love because it is tangible. I'm being stripped and sifted of EVERYthing that can (and does) come before Him-my flesh cries out in a frustration that changes day to day. Yet as my Lord and Love never relent-neither will I, as Job lay in an ash heap on the ground, there will I lie too-for as long as this perfecting Love has His way in my inmost being-so that I can truly cry out with my life and my body and soul and spirit that I love my neighbor because I love myself as Jesus loves me!

"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen!" ~Revelation 2:2-5

I also love this verse in Ezekiel 34:26: God said,"I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing." We just need to get through these seasons :o) Amen.